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I Promised Myself I Will Not Do It Till Marriage, But That Night Everything Went Bad



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Andee and Grace’s struggles with intimacy after marriage are disheartening. I too chose to wait until marriage, not just for a future partner, but because of my faith in God. I promised to respect Him with my body, and despite temptations, I remained focused on pleasing Him.

While on this journey, I worried that I might not find a partner who was also honoring God with their body. I was afraid that I would end up marrying someone who had experience and might be unhappy with my lack of it, especially if they compared me to their past partners. But going the other way didn’t seem like a good option to me.

Apart from breaking my promise to God, I didn’t want to risk getting pregnant before marriage. There’s also a special bond that forms between two people when they have sex. I believe it’s a spiritual connection meant for those who are married. So when doubts crept in, I pushed them aside and continued on my path of waiting.

Along the way, I got into a serious relationship with a guy I was really committed to. I was convinced he was the one I would marry. I was thrilled when he agreed to wait until we were married to be intimate. Despite some challenges in our relationship, we stuck together. Then, at one point, he started asking that we break our promise. He wanted to start being intimate. That wasn’t what we had agreed upon, so I said no. Later, he told me, ‘Since you won’t give me what I want, I found someone who will.’

Those words hit me hard. This was someone I loved deeply, to the point where I thought I couldn’t live without him. How could he tell me he found someone else to fulfill his needs? In a desperate attempt to keep him, I reluctantly said, ‘Okay, fine. I’ll do what you want.’ I wasn’t ready for it, but I convinced myself it was necessary to keep him. Luckily, God intervened, and our relationship ended before I had to go through with it.

It took a long time for me to heal after the breakup. By then, I was tired of dating, so I took a break for five years. During that time, I focused on getting closer to God and learning to love myself. When I felt ready, I opened myself up to love again. That’s when Ray came into my life.

Ray and I were friends in high school, and our friendship continued even after we graduated. We stayed close even though we were in different relationships. That’s why we didn’t date for long. Just a few months after getting together, we got married.

Now, Ray and I were both virgins when we got married. We had only learned about intimacy in theory. So we were excited about our wedding night. We couldn’t wait for the ceremony to end so we could finally be together.

When the time came for us to be intimate, we faced difficulties. We tried everything, but he couldn’t penetrate me. So, we gave up and tried again later in the week, but there was still no progress. Even during our honeymoon trip, we couldn’t make it work.

We used lubricants and even tried with water, but nothing helped. We struggled until a week after our wedding when our pastor, who had officiated the wedding and was also our counselor, called to check on us. He asked, ‘Are you having any challenges? How is your physical relationship?’ I couldn’t pretend everything was fine, so I told him that we hadn’t succeeded in consummating the marriage.

He was surprised but also impressed that we had saved ourselves until marriage. My husband was initially unhappy that I had shared that part of our lives with the pastor, but the pastor didn’t mind. He asked to speak with my husband privately, so I handed him the phone and left the room.

To this day, I don’t know exactly what they discussed. All I know is that we finally had a successful encounter that night. When I asked Ray what the pastor had told him, he simply said, ‘He advised me to spend more time on foreplay.’ There may have been more to it, but that’s all he shared.

We’ve been married for three years now, and our physical relationship is wonderful. We continue to improve with time, and I have no regrets about waiting until marriage. So, I want to encourage others in situations like Grace and Andee to keep trying and to focus on foreplay before proceeding to the main event.

You have to take things slowly with shallow thrusts during penetration. It will take time before you can fully engage, so don’t rush it. Also, keep a relaxed state of mind. I wasn’t afraid to try, and I was genuinely excited to experience it. I think I naturally have a high libido, which helped. Today, my husband sometimes jokes that I enjoy it too much, but I don’t mind.

To those who are still saving themselves for marriage, I urge you not to be disheartened. I know that some stories and negative comments may make it seem like a bad idea to marry as a virgin or to marry one, but trust me, the wait is worth it. Everything has a first time, and it will undoubtedly improve with time. I am very glad I waited, and I am proud of my decision.

I believe there are also men who are saving themselves for marriage. I never thought I would marry one, but I did, and I am happy and proud of him. During the first year of our marriage, my husband was mostly away in a different region for work, but I was never worried that he would be unfaithful because I trusted his self-discipline. That’s the same way he trusts me.

I have no one to compare him to, and he has no one to compare me to. So we communicate openly and work together to enhance our knowledge. The good thing is that we are both open-minded and willing to try new things. So it is definitely worth the wait. Don’t be discourage

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1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Okechukwu

    August 25, 2023 at 9:38 am

    This is commendable. Interesting indeed. The fear of God makes it possible

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