I met him two years ago. From the moment we met, he expressed his affection for me, and I reciprocated those feelings. However, one crucial concern weighed on my mind – was he married? So, I asked him, “Are you married?” He responded, “No, I’m not married, but I do have two children who live with their mother in one of my houses.” I was fine with him being a father as long as he wasn’t someone’s husband. With that question answered, I accepted his proposal. I genuinely liked him and was ready to commit.
He didn’t hide anything about his kids from me. They would visit with their mother, and he would inform me about it. I understood his role in their lives, recognizing the importance of a father’s presence. However, one thing confused me: whenever the kids and their mother were coming, he asked me to leave his house abruptly, interrupting our intimate moments. He would say, “You have to go. The kids are coming with their mom. She can’t see you here.”
This puzzled me and raised numerous questions. Unable to bear these uncertainties, I eventually asked him, “If she’s not your wife, why can’t she see me here with you? Are you hiding something?” His response was, “Anything can happen when it comes to that woman. She might even start a fight with you for no reason. I don’t want such a situation, which is why I’m trying to prevent it.”
I might have been blinded by love. Instead of approaching this logically, I allowed my emotions to guide me. That’s why I accepted his explanation, even though it didn’t make much sense to me. I told him, “If that’s the case, I’ll make sure to stay out of the way when they visit.” This woman and her kids would visit, leave a mess, and I’d clean up afterward. I couldn’t stand a messy environment and always ensured order.
I was performing all these chores, making his life comfortable, yet he never introduced me to his friends or family. If unexpected visitors came, he’d ask me to hide. He’d whisper to me, “Stay in the bedroom, don’t come out until they leave. I don’t want them to see you here and know you’re my girlfriend.” This left me frustrated; I questioned why we had to sneak around like children. Why was I treated like a secret?
I never asked for anything from him, and he never gave me gifts. I did everything out of love. I cleaned up after his ex, washed, cooked, and even cleaned his bathroom when he forgot. I thought I was showing myself as wife material, a woman who could handle it all. But instead of seeing a partner, he saw a maid who made everything clean. He got angry when I mentioned marriage after a year together, saying, “You can’t tell me what to do.”
In June 2021, she came over, left a mess as usual, and I couldn’t bear it any longer. I told him I wouldn’t clean up after her anymore. He defended her, saying, “Just do it. Do you know what she says about your poor housekeeping when she visits?” It became clear that he was using me while I remained faithful to him. I had turned down other proposals because I believed I had a committed partner.
I broke up with him, but our families were already involved, pressuring me to reconcile. I eventually forgave him and took him back. One day, a family member of his suggested, “Why not marry him and be his second wife?” I was shocked, as he claimed he wasn’t married. I finally realized I had been dating a married man for two years without knowing.
Recently, I met his wife, and she told me to find my own man. He didn’t deny their relationship. Later, he apologized, admitted their marriage, and proposed that I become his second wife. I declined, shocked by his lies and lack of remorse.
I confided in my mother, who surprisingly suggested I accept his proposal, citing the possibility of a house. This shocked me; I felt reduced to a material possession in her eyes. Talking to his sister led to a similar suggestion.
I do love him, but I can’t trust him anymore. He lied, and I fear he’ll do it again. I can’t accept the conditions of the marriage, where I can’t live with him when his wife and kids visit. I believe his family has their own motives, and I won’t play a part in their scheme.
I battle with myself daily. My heart wants him, but my mind knows he’s not right for me. Is there any way to forget him and move on? My heart and mind are in conflict. My heart wants him, but my mind says he’s not the right man for me.
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